When someone we care about is silent, when we reach out and hear nothing back, it can feel like a punch to the gut. The mind spins stories - Did I do something wrong? Do they not care? Am I unworthy of a response? It’s painful, and it’s easy to get lost in that pain, to feel like the silence is a verdict on our worth.
But what if we looked at it differently? What if this silence isn’t about them, but about us? About what it’s bringing up within us?
The truth is, moments like these are mirrors. They don’t create wounds, they reveal them. That ache in your chest, that familiar feeling of being dismissed or unseen, isn’t just about this person. It’s something older, something deeper.
For many of us, this pain is tied to the way we learned love as children. Maybe love felt like something we had to earn, through being good, through being useful, through holding back our true needs and emotions. Maybe we learned that being ignored meant we weren’t enough. And now, when someone’s silence presses on that old wound, it feels unbearable.
But here’s where the real work begins. Instead of chasing the person who isn’t responding, instead of making their silence mean something about our worth, we can turn inward and ask:
What does this remind me of?
Where have I felt this before?
What belief about myself is this bringing to the surface?
When we get honest with ourselves, we start to see the deeper layers. We see that our pain isn’t just about this one person, it’s about all the times we’ve felt unseen, unheard, unchosen. And that means the healing isn’t about them. It’s about us.
So what do we do?
We sit with the feelings instead of running from them. We breathe through the discomfort, letting ourselves feel it fully, without judgment. We remind ourselves: I am worthy of love and care, whether or not this person gives it to me.
We reparent ourselves. If a younger part of us is crying out, we hold that part close. We speak to ourselves the way we wish someone had spoken to us when we were small: You are loved. You are enough. I see you. I will not abandon you.
We take our power back. Instead of fixating on the one person who isn’t showing up, we turn our attention to those who do. We show up for ourselves. We pour into the friendships, the passions, the parts of life that nourish us.
And in doing so, we shift. We rewrite the story. We stop waiting for someone else to prove our worth to us, because we already know it.
Silence hurts. But it can also be a gift. It can show us where we’re still seeking external validation, where we’re still handing over our power. And if we let it, it can lead us home—to ourselves.
So if you’re struggling with someone’s silence right now, know this: It does not define you. It does not make you unworthy. This is your moment to heal, to hold yourself with love, and to remember: you have always been enough.
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