Retrogrades, Routines & the Reality of Being Human

Note from me:

Normally, I write these posts myself and get a bit of help from ChatGPT to polish the flow and tighten the structure. But this time, I didn’t have it in me. Life is feeling overwhelming right now: time, energy, support is all in lack. So I splurged out my raw thoughts, and asked for help to shape something from it. I still feel this is me, just written with a little more clarity than I could manage today.

This is what’s been rising for me under these retrogrades. Maybe it’s rising for you too.

When the Darkness Speaks

"When we make a friend of what we previously could not face, what once haunted us now becomes an invisible, parallel ally, a beckoning to our future."—David Whyte

Retrogrades tend to bring things back up. We know this. Old thoughts, old feelings, patterns we thought we’d worked through. But what I’m noticing lately isn’t just something returning, it’s the weight of it. The kind of weight that doesn't announce itself loudly but builds over time, like stones in your pockets.

For me, what’s surfacing right now is the ache of doing it all alone.

Even when we have partners, or help on paper, we’re often still the ones holding everything. The emotional load. The practical details. The things no one else notices until they fall apart. And when you’re good at it, when you’re competent, resilient, the one who keeps going, people assume you’re okay. You get so good at making it look easy that no one thinks to ask if it’s heavy.

But it is. It’s bloody heavy.

And I am tired.

These retrogrades are moving through my 6th house, the house of daily work, health, routines, service. The not-glamorous bits of life. The relentless bits. And it makes sense that what’s surfacing now isn’t some grand existential crisis, but the quiet, grinding realisation that I feel completely unsupported in my day-to-day life.

I’m not trying to fix it right now. I don’t have a plan, a breakthrough, a phoenix-rising moment. I’m just noticing it. Letting it come up. Sitting in the dark with it, without trying to turn the light on straight away.

Because here’s the thing I once scribbled in an old notebook something that came back to me this week like a thread being picked up again:

We can't stay in that place of peace and joy in our everyday, in that higher perspective, and see what's in the shadows. This is why taking a light into the dark doesn't work. It obliterates the dark so we can't see what's there. You have to be in the dark to see the dark. Literally, energetically, emotionally. We will feel sad, angry, lost, fearful, and that will show us why. Then we can look at it with light, and it will be realised and healed.

So that’s what I’m doing now. Sitting in the dark. Letting myself feel sad and heavy and resentful and tired. Not because I want to wallow in it, but because those feelings are the clues. They show me where I’ve been silent. Where I’ve been unseen. Where I’ve been pretending I’m okay when I’m not.

And now, with these retrogrades and in this season we’re crossing the Aries Equinox point - point zero - the balance point between light and dark. The Sun rises in strength, and fire returns to the sky. But we don’t leave the dark behind; we carry its teachings with us. We act from what we’ve learned.

So I ask you: What truth is surfacing in your life right now, even if you don’t like it?

What’s feeling too heavy, too much, too overlooked?

Maybe you don’t need to fix it yet. Maybe it’s enough to name it.

Because only what’s named can be healed.

I wanted to finish this post with more on this.

But once again, I've run out of time. The day job is screaming. My daughter needs support. The bins need to go out. The recycling needs sorting. There's washing up to do.

And maybe that’s the truest thing I can say.

I’m tired. I’m stretched. I’m no more limited than I’ve ever been, no more burdened.

But I can't find a way around it today. I'm in it. The wisdom and clarity that will come. The neat message that ties the post in a bow an leaved me feeling satisfied and content.

Will have to wait...