All twins are known for having obsessive thoughts about their counterpart. It’s a given on this journey that our minds are rarely at rest when it comes to the other person. We need to know that they feel the same as we do - that this isn’t just our journey, that our connection is shared. If the thoughts are shared. If, despite actions in the 3D that might say otherwise, they do truly think about us and love us as deeply as we do them, then it must be real: it is a fated and destined connection like no other on earth. We do have a future together. It is just a matter of (divine) time...
Now to be real. This is my experience:
A precursor: My twin is awakened. He has his own connection with the divine and is perfectly able to learn about what we are should he so choose. I can only assume that he has been told different things to I about our connection. That, or he hasn't considered it relevant and so hasn't bothered to ask. Our story: He knew about our connection before I did and he woke me up, I had no idea what a twin flame was at that point, or that there even was such a thing (I was fully immersed in the 3D and had had no experience or contact with what's beyond since I was a kid). When I first learned about our connection - through a spiritual experience - I understood that we were soul mates - that he was the other half of me - the one who matched my soul - and that our meeting in this lifetime was purposeful and we were destined to have a relationship. I learned about twin flames later. We had an extremely brief romantic dalliance that lasted a few weeks, and we both decided separately not to pursue it. Neither of us were ready for a relationship at that point in time.
A few months later: The first time I told him that I had feelings and that I believed we had a fated connection he was shocked. It had come out of nowhere. I wasn’t in his world. He wasn’t thinking about me at all. He wasn't interested in me in that way. He was kind. I have no reason to believe he wasn't telling me the truth. All those feelings I was having? The weird supernatural experiences I thought we were sharing? They were all my own and mine alone.
Another few months down the line: The second time, when I reiterated my feelings and tried to remind him of our shared connection, his response was harsher: he concluded that I was under the influence of malevolent spirits who were leading me down a path of pain. It was extremely clear that he was not thinking about me like I was thinking about him.
I know what you're probably thinking. Well he clearly isn't my twin. I've just projected my insanity onto some poor guy. I am deluded. And you may be right.
But I didn't go looking for any of this. This insanity took me by surprise. I wasn't even looking for a relationship. In fact I'd just come out of a seven year relationship that had started as my marriage had ended, and I'd only months prior made the decision to be single while my kids were still at home and to do the inner work I should have done years before.
And throwing myself at someone wasn't me. I had never, up until that point, been brave enough to express my feelings to anyone I had feelings for. I was far too shy, and sensible, and pragmatic to put myself out there like that. Everything that was happening to me was completely out of character and also unlike anything I'd ever experienced before. I felt crazy. I had woken up into a crazy reality that was filled with signs, and synchronicities, and supernatural occurrences that I couldn't explain with my (very sensible and logical) mind.
Like you, when I first came across the term twin flame and read about the journey, I knew that's what this was: I had met my twin flame and was now on the Twin Flame Journey. I was certain when I first told him that he would say me too, and would confirm what I knew about our connection. I had no doubt at all. Not on the surface anyway*.
So, when a few months later I was guided to tell him again, I was once again absolutely certain that this time he would agree that we were destined to be together and a relationship would begin.
The second time he was a little less patient, and a lot less kind. He called me crazy and unfriended me on Facebook. He made certain I understood: This was never going to happen. He wasn't my destined lover. I was delusional. He told me that the love I was feeling was all my own.
I was devastated. For a few days anyway. Just long enough for my guidance to kick back in and the signs and synchronicities to ramp up and remind me that this is how the journey goes and it just meant I had more work to do. It was still just a matter of time. It just wasn't (divine) time, yet.
This was back in the summer of 2018. My journey now spans over 7 years.
I've never been brave enough since to express my feelings quite so overtly. I've written about it, first on Quora, then on public pages on Facebook. It's all over my website. I've written about it in my story. I can only assume he has never been interested in reading it. If he has read any of it, he hasn't shared that with me, and it hasn't changed his mind about what he thinks about our connection.
So,...back to the big question and the purpose of this essay.
If, for the sake of argument, he is actually my twin. If my guidance at the beginning was truth, and of the light, if it were in fact divine guidance, and he is my divine counterpart, what could possibly be the reason why he doesn't feel as I do? What on Earth could be the purpose in all of this if it isn't reciprocated? Where is this leading me, and why? What does it all mean?
⭐ Is it all just a cruel cosmic joke, of which I am clearly the butt?
⭐ Have I been chasing an illusion all these years?
⭐ What if my twin, the one who is supposed to mirror my every thought, simply never does?
This journey is built on the premise that the connection is defined by a mutual, all-consuming focus. Where both are locked in an obsessive exchange of thoughts and feelings. I mean, it's called a twin flame journey. It's implied in the name that this is a mutual and reciprocal experience. Twinned. Mirrored.
And if you're asking me for an honest answer to the question, 'does my twin think about me like I think about them?' My answer would be no.
That's based on my experience of course. But honestly, if they are not interested in having a relationship with you in the 3D, if they're not even interested in being friends with you, then I find it highly unlikely that they are secretly obsessing over you unless there's an extremely good reason why they can't be with you. And is there seriously a good enough reason to resist the joy of a divine partnership? Men go after what they want. They act on their desires. Do you think a divine masculine would be any different?
Now, I appreciate this is all rather gloomy. Believe it or not I still have faith in the connection, and my divine guidance, despite also feeling that it's unlikely my twin has any feelings for me at this point. And that's because as I've mastered the lessons the journey has revealed to me, and healed the wounds the journey has highlighted to me, that my twin has reflected at me through his behaviours over the years, my reality has transformed. My twin has gone from angrily calling me crazy and telling me to f**k off, to being a good friend. No, we're not in the romantic relationship that I still hope for, but it turned out neither I, nor my kids, have been ready for that just yet. My human reality still has some limitations that time will eventually loosen. So, while he may not feel the same as I do at this point in my 3D timeline, this state of being isn't fixed, which tells me how he feels can change.
However, I believe that whether things change is up to us. The power is in our hands. He is reflecting me, so something in me is creating a story in which love isn't reciprocated. My blueprint has a pattern that is repeating as lived experiences in my reality. And I've learned our blueprint can be changed when we bring awareness to it, and heal the wounds that these repeating patterns are highlighting to us.
So what is the lesson in this part of the story? And what festering wound is it asking me to bring into the light of day to be healed? I am an alchemist. What turns this lead into gold?
'Our shadow isn’t just a list of wounds waiting to be patched up; it’s the unvarnished record of what we’re unknowingly creating in our relationships. It’s that inner critic demanding validation, the unhealed abandonment echoing in every rejection, and the repeated pattern of chasing something that is more about you than about anyone else.'
Let's face facts.
What Is This Storyline Really Teaching Me?
This is my story: I am creating my reality - so the first thing I must try and do is accept that this situation in which my twin does not reciprocate my romantic feelings and my desires for a relationship is due to something within me. I can't affect the outside reality by doing things outside of myself. Telling him what we are and how I feel clearly doesn't work, and neither does chasing his love, attention and interest. Every time I push in his direction he pulls away. So the only way this story is going to change is if I find the what in me is creating his behaviour and change it.
There are three stages to changing the blueprint in my experience:
One - The wound - there is unexpressed pain sitting within that needs to be healed. And to heal we have to feel it.
Two - The mind - what I think is creating my reality - I need to reprogramme my inner dialogue..
Three - The unconscious belief - my belief is what manifests - to change my reality I need to change what I believe deep down.
What is this story teaching me? The reality is that every relationship in my life, particularly the one with my twin, is a reflection of my internal world. The pull-back isn’t just about him, it’s about something in me that is either not ready to receive love or is unsure about my worthiness.
The Three Stages of Changing The Blueprint
The Wound: Meeting the Pain
Change begins with meeting the wound that has shaped your experiences. I’ve carried unexpressed pain for a long time, maybe you have too. Pain from childhood, from past relationships, from moments that whispered (or screamed) that love wasn’t safe, that love wasn’t available, that love had to be earned.
And yet, to change the pattern, the pain has to be felt. Fully. Without running, without numbing, without telling myself it’s not there. Sitting with it, even when it burns, even when it feels like too much. Because something shifts in that surrender. The wound no longer owns me, I begin to transform it into wisdom, into empowerment.
Healing is not about avoiding the pain. Healing happens inside the feeling of it.
The Mind: Rewriting the Story
The mind is powerful, shaping my reality through the beliefs I’ve absorbed, the thoughts I’ve repeated like mantras. For too long, my mind told the story that love was always out of reach, that love wasn't something that happened to me, that I wasn't worthy of it.
But I have the power to rewrite that story. And so do you.
It takes effort. It takes vigilance. It takes catching every old thought that echoes an outdated truth and choosing something different. What story do I keep telling myself? I am not here to keep replaying the past. I am here to create something new.
So, I shift the words. I am worthy of love. I am capable of receiving love as easily as I give it. Love is not something I have to chase - it is something I already am.
The mind, when trained, becomes the architect of a new reality.
The Unconscious Belief: Shifting Self-Worth
The deepest work happens below the surface, where unconscious beliefs have been quietly running the show. I’ve seen how mine shaped my relationships, how they whispered that I wasn’t enough, that love had to be earned, that I had to give more, be more, do more.
But love doesn’t work that way.
Love isn’t a test I need to pass. Love isn’t something I must prove myself worthy of. Love is something I deserve simply because I exist.
When I shift that belief, everything changes. I stop attracting relationships that mirror my old wounds. I stop seeking love where it isn’t freely given. I stop believing I have to be anything other than who I am.
And that’s when love - the kind I have longed for - can finally find me.
What I Am Learning to Embody
Unconditional Love: Love begins within me. It’s not about someone else proving it or validating it. Until I love myself, I will struggle to trust the love that others offer. So I choose to love myself here, now, exactly as I am.
Releasing Validation-Seeking: I ask myself, why have I needed their love in return to feel worthy? Why has love felt like something I needed proof of? Love isn’t transactional. Real love is free, expansive, given without expectation. And when I stop needing external validation, I step into my own power.
The Alchemy: Turning Lead into Gold
So what turns this lead into gold? Awareness. Choice. Every time I catch the old pattern and choose something new, I am transmuting my past into something powerful. Every time I love myself through the discomfort, I rewrite the story I was given. Every time I trust in my own worthiness, I shift the blueprint I’ve been living by.
True alchemy is not about discarding the past, it’s about embracing it, integrating it, and transforming it. The wounds, the struggles, the unhealed parts - they are not burdens. They are the material from which I create something new.
And as I do this work, I know that love, the deep, mutual, soul-expanding kind, will meet me where I stand. Not because I’ve chased it. Not because I’ve earned it. But because I’ve finally become open to receiving it.
I am already on this path. And if you are too, trust the process. Keep going. The gold is already forming.
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Reflection Questions for Your Journey
If this resonates with you, take a moment to reflect:
✨ What patterns have repeated in your relationships?
✨ What beliefs about love have shaped your experiences?
✨ How can you start shifting your inner world to change what you attract?
✨ Where in your life are you still seeking external validation instead of trusting your own worth?
✨ What would change if you fully believed that love is something you already are?
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What does this mean if we think about the bigger picture?
A note to start - I am talking here from my experience and it's my perspective. I've evidenced it for myself which is why I'm confident sharing it. However, my journey is my own and you have yours. Tap into your own inner wisdom. If this doesn't resonate then move on and let it go. You do you.
We hear a lot about the feminine going first, and that as we heal and transform, so do they. And we are told that we are one on the higher planes, we are just separated here on Earth and that translates as being one soul in two bodies (or at least that's how I understand it with the limitations of my human perspective).
So for the healing and transforming part of this journey, we, as the one awakened to the truth of our connection, need to do the inner work to clear and rewrite our energetic blueprint so we can come together in union without triggering the crap out of each other and splitting us apart again.
We can only do this if they show us the truth of what we are. And if they had an inkling of how much they love us and want to be with us (I had a glimpse of this at the start when my twin described what he'd been told about us when he asked The Universe who I was to him), there is no way they'd leave us to do the work alone. We need them to stay ignorant of the connection. We need them to press on our wounds. We need them to push us to relive those difficult feelings again because we need to feel them to heal them. They have to come out. And if we were all loved up and together with our forever partner do you think we'd do that? Do you think we'd be able to access all that buried pain? Do you think we'd bother??
Which is tough I know. It can feel more than miserable to see them happily doing their own thing without any consideration for us and how it feels for us. It's painful beyond words to feel as if we're not loved back by the one person we care most about in this world. And it sucks to feel so alone on such a crazy journey.
But. A wiser part of us knows that this is necessary. That same wiser part of ourself chose this and knew it would be bloody tough, but also knew we had the strength to do it. That's the part of us that reminds us of the truth of the love between us each time we get a magical song or feel them in our energy. It's a reminder that the illusion of the 3D isn't the true reality. It's simply the current state of reality based on our current blueprint. Which is why as we do the inner work to heal, and cleanse and reprogram our mind, the reality changes. (And don't take my word for it - try it and see for yourself).
This is the key to unlocking the journey. I was aware at the start that my twin would show me what I was creating and as I've done the work, how he's behaved towards me has changed. He has transformed into the man that's grounded in love and with the capacity to hold a divine relationship. He has changed as I have. And that's because we are one.
And while he hasn't been doing the exact same work as I have and doesn't have the same perspective as I have, that's not to say he isn't doing the work. I am fortunate in that my twin awakened before me so he is able to express what he's doing energetically in a way that someone who doesn't have that awareness may not be able to. His work is just as valid and important and without him doing what he's doing, I couldn't do what I've done. We're interwoven in all the ways. The journey is planned and designed to work perfectly to bring each of us into the place we each need to be to be able to hold a physical divine union here in the density of earth.
It's not always easy to keep all this in mind when we're in the thick of it and feeling and experiencing on a human level. It's tough. We all have difficult stories we are healing from. We all have harsh and critical minds that want to tell us the opposite of this, that remind us we're crazy and deluded and they're never coming back. But that's the journey.
We seek to find balance between what is and what things could be. Between the higher perspective and our fragile human ego that just wants to be loved and understood and seen and never has been.
This is the journey. And I'm here for it. How about you?
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*Not on the surface anyway - exploring this idea is the key purpose of this essay. While I didn't think I had any doubt - on the surface I was certain he would reciprocate my feelings - the truth is that what I wasn't aware of was the doubt that lay below the surface. He showed me that by reacting to what lies below the surface and what is not in my conscious mind. What is in my subconscious is what is creating my reality, and that reality is one of unrequited love where my divine counterpart - my beloved - doesn't recognise me as such. To him I was an annoyance, a silly girl led astray by romantic notions that had no basis in reality. While in my mind he was everything and everything made sense and was obvious - I wasn't in his at all. He was reflecting back at me the parts of myself that I wasn't yet ready to see. And that's the journey: an uncovering until you get to the truth of who you are. When you see who you are in truth, so will they.
If you find yourself resonating with this journey and want to explore yours with someone who has experience of navigating it with joy and gratitude, I offer mentorship and astrology readings to help bring clarity. Sometimes, an outside perspective can help us uncover the blind spots we can’t yet see on our own.
If that feels aligned, you can learn more about me here.
Sending you love on your journey.
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A note on AI & my writing:
I use ChatGPT as a writing assistant—not as a writer. These are my thoughts, ideas, and words, shaped by my lived experience and deep love for self-work, self-awareness, the spiritual journey, and astrology. AI helps me refine, structure, and occasionally nudge me toward better phrasing, but the voice you’re reading is mine. I use it as a tool to help me put into words everything I believe is valuable in sharing my insights. Honesty matters to me, and this is simply one way I bring my thoughts to life.
So beautiful, thank you 🙏